


Another Day

by Bigmurderenergy



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Also Kissing, Depression, F/M, Smoking, What Can I Say?, exploration of the choices we make, lotsa kissing, they're teenagers, when we are faced with immense trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 21:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20032534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bigmurderenergy/pseuds/Bigmurderenergy
Summary: Peter Parker finds his girlfriend, MJ, smoking on a fire escape at 3 o'clock in the morning.





	Another Day

It’s been a long night. Peter swore that this time, this time, he would get in before curfew. But already he’s sailing past 3am and he can feel May’s disappointment before he can see it. It’s not that he hadn’t been busy at least.

Crime in Queens had gone up so much since the Return. People were grabbing what they could get, fighting over cars or houses that used to be theirs but had long passed into the hands of someone else.

Fitting back into a world that moved on turned out to be a rather difficult experience for everyone. There were happy families reunited, some never having given up hope. Some had moved on. Some had moved into vacant homes. Resources were severely limited but the governments that were left over made a good job of stock piling what they could.

He was able to find May. Pepper had Stark industries find him a small apartment in the middle of Queens, she made sure he and May had clothes and enough money to fend for themselves. Then went on to work on righting as many other people’s lives as she could.

Peter noted that if he started for that small apartment by the river, he might get there before dawn.

Probably not though.

Swooping past some blocks, he smelt something. It felt familiar, but also like smoke. It was light in the air, rising through the buildings into the sky. There was something there he recognised. He followed it. His senses alerted to it. His tingle, as May would call it. It didn’t scream danger, but it did feel like something he should find.

Swinging low past a fire escape he saw a figure, an orange ember emitting the smoke attached to a lone woman-wait. Wait, wait, is that MJ?

Peter tumbled into the alley below.

“What the hell!?”

“Peter?” MJ called down. “I mean, Spider-Man! I mean! What the fuck, man!?”

Peter looked up to see MJ looking down over the fire escape, clutching the rail with one hand, the other holding a lit cigarette. “What the hell!?”

“What are you doing!?” MJ wasn’t so much shouting as loudly whispering, which made sense as it was way past any good time to be screaming. Although, this was New York.

“What are _you _doing!?” Peter retorted, groaning as he pulled himself out of a conveniently placed pile of garbage bags. It’s funny how often that happens. Not that Peter falls. Often. Not at all really. Still left a bad smell on his suit. But he wouldn’t take the blame for this evenings spill. He glanced up again, MJ was still gazing down at him, this time with a hint of anger but mostly concern.

He thwipped up to her.

“I mean, what are you doing? Smoking? Really?! That stuff will kill you!” Peter gasped as he pulled his mask off to look her in the eyes.

Her own eyes narrowing she replied, “Says the guy who just fell 20 floors.”

He looked down, noted the height. Looked at her again, “That’s different.”

“Is it?” She took a drag from her cigarette. Eyes still glowing with something Peter couldn’t quite pinpoint. Anger was his first guess, but it didn’t seem like that up close. Concern? Guilt?

“Of course! With the lung cancer! And the bronchitis, the lungs, y’know. What about your lungs, MJ? And _I know_ you know this stuff. You’ve heard May talk about it, she’s a nurse, she knows this stuff. You _know _this stuff too. Why would you do this to yourself?”

MJ exhaled towards the alley, trying to keep it away from Peter’s face, but the smell still made his nose wrinkle.

“Do I disgust you?” She asked.

“No, no. Not-never. You know how I feel about you.”

“OK.” She threw the cigarette away. Then kissed him.

She moved her hands to his neck, fingers brushing into his hair. Her face turning into his, deepening the kiss. Her tongue slipping between her lips. He gasped as she tugged his hair lightly, her tongue slowly moving into his mouth. He sighed. She breathed into him. She tasted of fresh smoke. But also, something familiar, the same smell that made Peter swing towards her.

She pulled away softly. He opened his eyes to see her looking down at him. Almost daring him. He couldn’t help himself as he kissed her back, a little rougher than before. Open mouthed kisses, small gasps, a small nip of her bottom lip as she sighed against him.

“You don’t-you could never. You’re. I don’t even know where to begin.” Peter said softly into her lips.

“OK.” She says. “Then how is it different?”

He pulled away slightly. Hands resting on her waist, arms straightening. “What do you mean?”

“How is me smoking different from you falling from the sky into garbage?” MJ says. Its like a challenge. Just like the kiss before.

“What do you want me to say to that?”

“I want an answer. Come on, Parker. I really don’t see the difference. I mean. You put yourself in harms way all the time, right? What’s the difference?”

“But…” Peter paused, nothing he was going to say was going to sound good in this moment. The way she looked at him defiantly. She knew this too. It was a challenge. “I’m helping people, y’know. I’m not doing it because it’s on purpose. It’s just something that happens sometimes. Sometimes I fall, but what I’m doing is helping. Because I can.”

MJ nodded. “This helps me.”

“But how? You’re going to make yourself sick.”

“So are you.” MJ scowls.

“It’s-It’s not the same thing MJ.” Peter pulled away slowly.

“It is.” She said. “Lemme ask you. Peter Parker. Why do you help people? Is it for the people you don’t know? Is it for the glory? Is it because it’s the right thing to do? Is it because, you can’t go to sleep knowing you didn’t do everything you could? You can’t get through a single day knowing that you didn’t do what you can?”

Peter shuddered. “You know I can’t.”

“Then it’s the same.”

“How?”

“Because I need to get through each day too.” MJ says.

Peter looked at MJ properly for the first time since he gazed up at her on the fire escape. She looked tired. Of course, she would, it’s past 3am. But tired in a different way. Tired in her bones. The bags under her eyes weighted by something more than lack of sleep. How did he not see them during the day? She also looked sad. Disappointed.

“What do you mean?” Peter asked softly.

She laughed, harshly. “Did you? Did you lose anyone after the Blip?” Peter bristled. “No wait, of course, sorry. No forget that. Sorry. I just.” She ran her hands over her face. “I mean. I didn’t lose anyone, per se. I just. But then I kinda did. God. How hasn’t this come up already?”

“You never told me?” Peter tried.

“Or you never asked.” MJ replied.

“Sorry.”

“That’s not… Listen. OK. I live here now. You noticed that I moved, right?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Yeah, so I live with my Aunt now, right? She’s a smoker by way. Two packs a day kinda lady. Doesn’t miss a couple going missing every now and again.” MJ paused looking to her windowsill. “OK maybe more than a couple.”

“OK, so that explains that part. But why are you smoking at all? It’s really bad for you.”

“Oh, I know. I know, _you know,_ I know, you already said that.” She smiled. “I know you care. It’s ok. I know I seem pissed, and yeah maybe I am, not sure yet. But I know your secret, so I guess we’re square.”

MJ did figure it out on her own to be fair to her. Peter had no idea about MJ’s secret until he stumbled onto in. Proving she’s probably better at this secret identity stuff than he is. Not that she was hiding herself from him. At least, that’s not how he was looking at it. Much.

“Kay, so I live with my Aunt now. And my mom. And my dad lives at home. With his new wife. And my baby half sister.” She paused. Made explosion signs with her hands, “Bam.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah, the Blip had a bit of an effect on the inner workings of my family. Don’t worry, no one outside dysfunction really knows about. And the divorce lawyers. Turns out you can’t really divorce someone while they’re disappeared.”

Peter had heard of such incidents. A lot of newspapers and gossip sites were having a new boost in readership as people read through the endless drama of celebrity recoupling with the return of half the world. Turns out the people left behind weren’t much interested in getting involved in the drama, just happy to get on with their lives at this point. Peter had to keep reminding himself there was a large subset of the population unhappy he had returned at all. That anyone had returned after they pulled themselves out of their joint trauma.

It lent itself even heavier into the feeling that he didn’t quite belong here anymore. Talking to MJ was making him realise he may have gotten off easy.

“So, Mom went nuts. Threw a lot of stuff. Moved in with Aunt Julie. Who you know, is fine with all… this. And now we’re squatting until we can find our own place. It’s been a year. You know that.” MJ snorted, reaching for another cigarette. “So, Mom and Julie spend most of their nights smoking and drinking in commiseration of the lives they lost and I’m just feeling…” She shrugged, lighting her cigarette. “Every night I come out here. At first I was kinda hoping I’d see you.”

“Oh. Sorry. I didn’t know… You never called to be fair.”

“You think I want you to come in here? No way. I just wanted to see you.”

“That’s creepy.” Peter laughed.

“Isn’t it?” MJ agreed. She inhaled her cigarette. “I just. I dunno. I hate being in there, y’know? So, I come out here, just before the sun rises. Pretend I’m not in there. Enjoy being out here. Watching another day start. Cos, I made it. I’m still here.” She exhaled. The weight of her words hanging heavily in the air.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why would I? I saw the way you looked at me when you saw this.” She gestures to her cigarette. “No, I didn’t want you to look at me like that.”

Peter moved to her. “Look at you like what?”

“Like… You were disappointed in me.”

“I’m not-I’m definitely not. I’m sorry if-“

She covered his mouth with her hand lightly, “You are.” She replaced her hand with her lips, kissing him softly. He could barely taste the smoke. “But that’s ok.”

Peter’s heart ached. Did she really think he would judge her for this? He kissed her again. Hands pulling her against him. He tried to put every ounce of adoration he had for her into his movements, pressing her to the wall. Pressing up against her. Tasting the smoke against his teeth, mixed with that tell-tale scent that was her. The taste of her overwhelming anything else. Hands squeezing lightly at her hips. Her hands against his chest, cigarette abandoned.

“I would never judge you MJ.” He said against her lips. “That’s not why I’m… I’m not disappointed. I’m just worried.”

“Worried?” She asked.

“Yeah. You thought I wouldn’t still care about you because of a bad habit.”

MJ frowned, “Yeah but it’s a really bad habit. Your reaction was right, you know? I deserved that.”

“You didn’t. I’m sorry.”

“No see, I did Peter. Don’t be sweet on me now. I shouldn’t be doing this to myself.”

“Yeah but you just said…” Peter paused. “It’s a bad habit, right? So, you know you’re doing something bad. So. You know you gotta stop at one point?”

“Do I?”

“I mean, yeah.”

“Are you going to stop saving the city?”

“Oh man,” Peter stood back again. “It’s different.”

“It’s not different.” MJ snapped. “I’ll ask you again, can you get through a single day knowing, just knowing, you didn’t help one person?”

Peter saw the defiance again in her eyes. “I can’t.”

“And do you, or do you not, put yourself in mortal danger sometimes to do that?”

“I do.”

“Then it’s the same fucking thing.”

“I told you I’m doing it to help people!”

“OK, sure! But did they ask you for it?”

“No, but it doesn’t mean they don’t need it.” Peter frowned.

“Well, what if I need this? It’s bad for me? Sure. You know what else is bad for you? Falling from fucking buildings! Or getting shot at! Or getting drowned in a fucking vortex! Or being in the middle of a fucking war! Oh yeah, you think I forgot about the wars, Parker? You think I don’t know about the fucking battles you were in?! And for what!? Don’t tell me for one second that was just for any of us!”

“How has any of that got to do with you smoking?!”

“Because I might die from this! But if you keep going the way you are, you’re definitely gonna die way before me!” MJ gasped.

Peter forgot how to breathe.

“And I never tell you to stop.” MJ says. Tears in her eyes. “And I never will.” She reaches out to him. “Because you need this. I get that. And I know I’m… you know, false equivalency. But you know, you see this as a life and death thing. You’re right. It is. And you’re right.” She let out a sharp cry, “I probably will stop eventually. But its my choice. Just like its yours.”

She held him close. Pressed her head to his chest, bending her back to curl into him. He put his arms around her. “I’m sorry.” He says.

“I’m sorry.” She repeated.

“I know. I’m sorry. I just. I get it. I think.”

“You do?”

“I think.”

“You get that my priority is not to myself but to getting through each day no matter what that takes because a large portion of my life is so completely broken?”

“Yeah?”

“Oh good. I thought I’d have to spell it out.” She laughed weakly.

“And you get that my priority is to help people, you get that, right? It’s not actually about me.”

MJ pulled away slightly, “Somehow, that makes it even sadder.”

“How?”

“You hurt yourself because you care so much about everyone else. I hurt myself because it’s the only way I can be around them.”

“Yeah.” Peter sighed. “That is sad.”

They moved to sit on the fire escape, watching the sun rise together, cuddled into each other. Slowly the sky changed colour from navy to pink to orange. The sun breaking on the horizon.

“Another day.” MJ sighed.

“We made it.” Peter smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> So in my head I set this after FFH. I don't know anything about MJ's home life so I made it up to suit the story. More than anything I just wanted them to have a frank discussion about how they deal with stuff and how they reflect that on each other while still worrying about each other. Also, smoking is bad kids. But I get why we do it.


End file.
